Ageing gracefully, 

As though we were responding to a defeat

Gracefully is the way people behave in defeat. It’s giving in and accepting the wisdom of a world that is not ours, it’s putting away more and more clothes as they become unsuitable, until we are left with a selection of tasteful blouses and brooches that consign us to the back of the family photograph. 

Clothes are thought of as unsuitable only because we are not used to seeing them worn by older people. Older body parts are tastefully hidden away under the blouses. celebs regularly flash their designer vagina and nobody much cares, but it’s the general consensus that nobody wants to see that, meaning my body. Wow. 

We would like to think that we recognise in principle the need to treat every person with respect; at least we have laws that ban the most outrageous language and obnoxious stereotyping and are beginning to move beyond obvious injustices so as to identify and take action over the more insidious ways that minority groups are disadvantaged. Our disadvantages are of course minor compared to other social groups but ageism is among the most freely used, and as usual the women are most affected.

We haven’t even gone past the initial stage where people openly insult older women and think nothing of it.

The woman of years is quite openly talked about as slow, uncomprehending and sexualy repulsive. To a lot of men we represent a dry vagina and saggy breasts and a horrible idea.

People feel free to indulge their preconceptions about a woman’s age in a way they would not dream of doing with someone’s race or body type; we’re discovering new ways of seeing the birthmarks, scars and skin conditions that produce uniquely figured faces, but it’s open season on women of age. It is a recurring motif in comedy that older women, women of years are cast as horror sex objects that are sprung upon men expecting a young beauty. The word old is freely thrown around in confrontations where you’d want to call the police if you substituted a word that belittles another social group. It feels like a hate word.

A big reason for this oversight is that we are not on Instagram talking back and putting our case. 

Post, put some time into putting yourself out there, tweet us into existence. Literally, people do not hear our voice, and we need a presence. I am not great at this, must do better, it is our duty.

Get your body out there. And if not we can at least be free amongst ourselves.

Our Checklist

We don’t want to be well preserved

We don’t want to be well behaved.

We can be any size now, we are free to decide what suits us, we are free to wear clothes that don’t suit us if we want.

We have had to conform for a lot of our lives. If you wanted to be in work you had to look as everyone thought you should, and public figures were called out in the Daily Mail for transgressions against the conventional outfit. Enough now.

You will be happier when you appreciate that some people are just Not Like You.

“You only want what everybody else thinks you should want.” Mika, Grace Kelly 

If you care about your unique beauty be committed to what you wear because that’s your own aesthetic and your own self. Women who wear revealing clothes will do so from a place of defiance and support, crepey arms, saggy arse and all; We won’t hear a word said against you. we are rising above the insecure place we occupied when we let our social class markers guide and define us. Age is used as shorthand for repulsiveness. The media says openly that they pity us for wearing clothes that don’t completely cover our bodies and cannot accept that we might want to wear the clothes of our youth rather than something you think is suitable. We can dress to please ourselves. These stilettos are fuck you shoes.

Rebellion zone. People need to get used to women of years looking inappropriate.

I’m 58 years old and I wear things like this. Deal with it 😁